Evolution Schmevolution

I think I have a dog who is secretly a human.
Like Scabbers/Peter Pettigrew or the Shaggy Dog/Human Guy
Or at the very least and less creepy, just highly enlightened a la Dino or Astro.

The list is long and distinguished but foremost at the moment is his ability to outwit my sleeping in attempts.
I've been clipping his nails more to avoid the early morning clacking on the hardwood.
How does he respond?
Some how he has devised a way to sit down in the loudest fashion possible.
It's like he is doing some kind of elaborate wrestling move where he slams his haunches on the floor, stands up and repeats.
It surpasses all attempts at effective description. Imagine if you were to angrily throw yourself into an easy chair in a huff.
Now imagine that instead of a cushiony ass you have bony tendons and a tail that somehow makes a crunchy noise, and instead of a soft cozy chair you are huffing into an unforgiving, hard wood floor that radiates sound better than most acoustic halls.


Why can't I be smarter than him?
Why?

It's Officially Become WRONG

That's it.
I thought I had reached my breaking point a while ago when I heard the term "jeggings" but I was so wrong.
If I only knew how worse it would become I would have checked my careless assessments. Saved them for the appropriate time. Kept my panic reserves for when it was truely necessary.
Now I have this flaccid acceptance. It's more of a sad head shake rather than the tsunami of rage it should be.
I don't think there are enough natural disasters to do it justice, actually.

BABY SKINNY JEANS!
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=57011&vid=1&pid=762974

and if that wasn't enough... the customer reviews.... <shudder> ohhhh, the customer reviews.

Rated 5 stars
Review Summary:great jeans!
Review Date:07-31-2010

Review Comment:These skinny jeans are SO cute! Even better, they fit my "not so skinny" 16 month old great! I was worried about her being able to fit into skinny jeans since she is a little chunk. I love the look, so we gave them a try! They fit great since they have a nice stretch, and they are super soft so they are still very comfortable on her! We love!


Why?
Why?
Why?

Got the VD?

Hm, in my youth I would celebrate this auspicious day with large quantities of jello shots and champagne, partying with a few 100 of my closest friends in scantily clad budoir wear.
Ah, those were the days.
Sadly time marches on. We have spread out across the country, and my ass has spread out across the couch so saucy little outfits are not nearly as fun as they once were.

Having to forgo my one and only VD tradition I guess I will do without.

In other news, I rocked the shit out of my tiramisu this weekend.
Amazing and delicious.
Check one for the melizard.

Weekend full of snowboarding and long walks has left me feeling sore and hungry. I'd say the activity regimine is going well.
Check two.

Pictures were taken on said walk and during dinner where said tiramisu was devoured - Thats a go for check Three.

Hair still growing and smoke still avoiding.
I think i'm going to have to retire this list and come up with some new goals to kick the asses of.

I have a fun plan for when the weather gets nicer which is to figure out what exactly the obscene number of pairs of shoes I own and then attempt to wear a different pair each day until I have used up the supply.
I could be interesting and if nothing else, I can determine which shoes I can guiltlessly throw away.

In the vein of attempting to utilize my uber creative talent I discovered an awesome gift idea for a friend's birthday in the near future. Sadly I can only reveal all post birthday but it will be worth it.

Just you wait.

Resolve

Goal Update:

5). Still not smoking. In fact, I almost gagged when some inconsiderate bastard blew his poison gas at me at 7am this morning.

4.) Picture Time was hot and heavy two weeks ago but due to an unfortunate incident wherein my battery died I was railroaded. But I have a fully charged camera sitting in my purse aching to search out exotic wildlife again.

(see here )

3.) Tiramisu will be made for that most unholy of days... VD. While I lack the bachelorette-hood to justify romantic angst, I still just can't stand the day. Restaurants jack up prices, lonely people give me dirty looks and flowers seem to be everywhere. Oh and it's apparently an excuse for everyone to decide I'm getting engaged.  So although I don't condone such festivities, there will be delicious food. Oh yes there will be.

Oh, and the fact that I am making it for dinner at my mom and dad's house makes it all the more of a refuge that my fat girl persona can crawl into.

mmmmmmm.... a house of cake. cave. Cave of Cake.

moving on

2.) I had a mini hair cut and highlight session over the weekend. 1/2 an inch does not make me a failure...

It makes me responsible. Maintanence is important. I've also started taking a daily Gummi Vitamin - the only way to eat vitamins if you ask me. (Unless it's Wonka Vite) Which should help my overall well-being as well as hair awesomeness with Folic Acid.

1.) Aside from a few snackies on super bowl sunday I have been eating really well. Work out motivation levels are at an all time low given that it's -9 degrees outside this morning but it can't last.

Do you hear me winter? This agression will not stand!

I have a dream.

Which will live in infamy.

So long as we both shall live.

or something like that.

All in all, the prognosis looks good.

Additional goals too dull to update upon weekly include blogging more - self evident, trimming my dog's nails on a weekly basis. His clacking wakes me up in the morning and he knows it too. I plan to deplete this arsenal of auditory attack. That's why I'm the human, and you're the effing dog.

And trying to be more creative.

I mean, I am creative, I just need to make time for creative outlets. Blogging being one, finishing my projects that I have started and which remain flaccidly sitting in my office being another. I suppose my papparazzi antics will fall into that category too.

Again with the multi-tasking.

Look out world.